


Shadows

by Pita Pan (Lizlow)



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 03:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20959652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizlow/pseuds/Pita%20Pan
Summary: That resignation... is it running away? From the public, him, her life? These fragments give in to a fog that never stayed visible, but grogs, suffocates all the same, and she, she disappears within it, fading, melding, to the choking mist.“The Hoshino Ichika you knew isn’t alive anymore.”





	Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my drafts for quite sometime, and finally tacked away at a comprehensive ending to it! Sasazuka is difficult, but I tried my best! It's been a bit since I've played both CxM and CxMU BUT... Boy do I love CxM... I'm excited that Aksys is bringing it over!
> 
> Anyway, SPOILER WARNING... This fairly based in the ADONIS Route from Unlimited! Based off of something Hoshino relives. Of course, the specific people being, in the status they are isn't a surprise, but let's say spoilers for Yanagi's original route too. Being based means not of all of this is exact -- it's inspired by the route content!
> 
> Since it is based off of Yanagi's route, I chose to count it as a relationship without romance, but then I hint at part of Sasazuka's route as actually having had sort of, happened so, shrugs.

The overcast is heavy, clouded. Each and every single _ damn _ breath is one whose sound is stolen away; this theft is notorious, and it will... it _ will _ happen again. This though would be vehement, but he knows better. Revenge isn’t it, not now, not anymore, though the darkness whispers it loudly. Their resources, their calls, they can’t reach him. They won’t even try. 

Perhaps there was a time where he could have fallen folly, but no longer. Their letter, written in that familiar style, sealed with _ that _ logo. No return address, but it’s already certain who the hand behind the nulled hood is. He’d have torn up those papers, if it was evidence. Evidence for who they are, and for what he turned down. 

Yes, Sasazuka will remain, along with the others who stand surviving, to stop _ them_, to search for _ her _. 

That resignation... is it running away? From the public, him, her life? These fragments give in to a fog that never stayed visible, but grogs, suffocates all the same, and she, she disappears within it, fading, melding, to the choking mist. 

“The Hoshino Ichika you knew isn’t alive anymore.” 

Detachment, her voice is distant, so unfamiliar compared to the noisy creature she had once been. It echoes, shakes. If she has any emotions left, they are numb shells of what they always had been, weak, pushed down to make room for _cold_, _cold_ clearance. In the month he had known her, she had been _hopelessly_ _stupid_, but a driving force. They couldn’t have gotten as far as they without her. 

He doesn’t _ hate _ her. He couldn’t. 

He had gotten attached to her, with her kitchen banter with Yanagi. She _ amplified _ Mineo’s _ especially _ annoying parts, but she also helped keep him off his back. She was good at handling Okazaki. She kept Shiraishi fascinated. 

And _ she_... she’s all that’s left. 

Of _ them _, of the space they inhabited and the future they desired. Their burdens, hopes, dreams whatever went through their minds as they worked, invaded, progressed. 

The deal she’s going to “take” is something she should walk away from. Stay here. That pact is _ no good_. There’s an answer, another one, one last answer that isn’t that. Think. Think. _ Think_.

“You don’t have to take their hand.” 

His voice is quiet. Try as he might, it won’t get across. A _ sin _? Hands stained in blood? No... No...

His mind flashes to them. The shouts. The desperation. The gun shots. _ Him _ . And then... they’re gone. Ripped away from the streets before the finale had truly been realized. This is what camera fuzzed and revealed: The truth. _ Dammit. _ ** _Dammit. Dammit!_ **It’s beyond his control. A devastating bath. One down. Two. Even that super SP officer is no match. 

Yanagi was the only one he could _ admit _ to liking out all of them. Probably. But he... got used to the others. He... _ haha_, _ misses _ the amoeba’s comments. Fighting back threw distractions in the air, but things weren’t _ boring _. Weren’t like this. He could work in a place like that. 

Eyes wide and twitching. That face, he pictures it. Carefree and smiling. Hidden away was a secret life, playing them like puppets on strings. Her _ friend _? What a joke. How could a friend, someone that was interested in her, do so much, go so far, curse Japan under his agenda. That’s the crimson that encroaches, devours; it is the fall, the change of a pure anemone to one teared with sorrow. Is this what he wanted? A field of rebirth, borne, rooted in soiled particles.

There is no “happy” where betrayal remains. 

_ She’s dead _ . Going alone. That’s insane. She’s been excused - _ no _ , it’s been called something else. _ Pardoned _ for being _ controlled_. She doesn’t have to go, not like that. She doesn't have to do it, go to them. Face them. She needs to listen. There are people here for her. That now-disheartened SP Trainee, her former supervisor, Minegishi, himself, they all know it. Rash or not. Her choice or not. 

It’s not her fault. 

Sasazuka states, again, that he should have been able to tell that those cameras were fakes. They _ were prepared _ for them to come, but Sasazuka, he should have been able to see through the shade and right into their trap. Yet, he didn’t.

She killed them? No. 

It was _ him_, all him. That _ man _ that ruled the shadows, tugged on the hearts of the vulnerable, and yanked it all forward. 

A hand outstretched, that’s what he presents her. There’s no way he can reach her, grab her, stop her, despite the lack of physical distance between them, despite the screaming of his heart, despite the rush of his thoughts. 

“Hoshino! Don’t-” 

His arm collapses right where it’s drawn out, just shy of her. He pushes it back up, elbow locked up. He knows better than anyone? He... knows _ better than anyone_! That’s why! That’s _ exactly _ why she can’t go to them! His hand may miss her, but words surely... _ do as well_. 

“Farewell, Sasazuka-san,” Hoshino says, turning around, walking away. The world is gray, hers spited, collared by the malice that flows through the world’s veins. 

“-don’t go... I’m begging you! Don’t go to them!” 

This can’t be the last time. Yanagi, Okazaki, Mineo, himself, they wanted to save her. Free her from those shackles, free Japan from the threats that lurked. 

He’s come to care so much. Why is that? If she doesn’t want to stay here, then why does it bother? Because he’s losing another person? Another that has somehow grown on him. Appearing before them, kicked, a stray..? Or just abandoned. Not yet to be trusted, with what adorned her neck... the collar...

“You idiot...”

_ That _ collar, it caused them to meet. It drove them man. It laughed at them from amidst the darkness and encrusted their souls until it drained their vision, and all that was left that they could see was red. 

* * *

He awakens in a cold sweat. His hand extended out before him, it falls when his consciousness returns. The lingering of a chilling tip. The wish for the warmth to return. _ Damn_. 

“Hoshino Ichika... isn’t alive anymore... that’s it?”

Two years, he’s lived with this for that long, and it’s not going to end. Adonis is still out there and, despite _ knowing_, they can’t catch them. They can’t act. 

Guns. Weapons. Still rampant. Still _ disgusting_. He’d be one of the ones watching out for the younger brother, had he survived two years ago. But he didn’t. _ Terrible _ . He suspects it because they needed more incentive to break her, to drive her need to look out for others to the edge. But, the timeline is messy. There was that friend of his, right? _ Sera Akito_, they had him, they lost him. There’s no way he’s dead. Maybe she’s with him, watching over him, weighing her sinful selfishness against her innate need to help others, to put a world first. 

Thus, it shackles her more, and more. She blames herself, and she fights back. Even if she had given up on something of herself, even if she went there to damage them from the inside, the risks were - are - far too high. 

These thoughts circulate. Perhaps they’ve been doing so more lately, since it’s around the time this all went down for the first time. That nightmare... wasn’t uncommon. Trauma is a plague, and lately, he’s been reliving more than other kinds. Maybe it’s come up even more because of those lookalikes he saw one day - even if the one that looked _ like _ her had much shorter hair. Maybe it had been them. But he didn’t do a damn thing about it. Too tired? Too uncertain? 

His phone goes off and he squirts at it, clearly agitated. By it? By the mare? By the interruption to his thoughts? Who knows, who _ cares_. He _ did _ make it to his bed, but that hardly matters. Maybe pulling those recent all nighters messed with his head, and the illusions, are stronger than ever. Yanagi... _ and _ Hoshino would have tried to get him to take a break, to sleep, just a little. 

_ Sasazuka, eat and get some rest_, Yanagi would probably say, after setting a meal in front of him. Better than sweets, would be a claim, probably. 

Hoshino would nod along with him, an apron on her person. _ Yes, please, Sasazuka-san..! _

Snap out of it, he must. No need to hear voices. There are no arms to cling to, nobody to lean against. Those gunshots aren’t going away. The warmth isn’t coming back. So, he’ll drown it back, until he too recedes into the unknown. The only thing keeping him sane enough are the possibilities. 

He’s too set, too bittered, to fall to their deeds. Hack back, lose the thread. One more shot when a cyber strike comes back. 

Sasazuka exhales, grabbing him phone. He knows what will show up on the screen. Usually, he gets to stay home. He’s had to be escorted more than once, so it’s a hassle. 

_ Yeah, work... I have to go in_. 

So he gets dressed. He’d _ rather _ stay home. He’s not in the mood. But he’ll go. He’s got to show that he’s sort of still in this. He wants this to end. That’s his motivation. An ending. 

That _ puppy _ is outside the door, but he’s oddly quiet. 

“Time to go, Takeru-san.”

“Ro-ger~” 

Even for him. _ Yoshinari Hideaki_, he’s still an officer. He’s gotten some of his bounce back. Maybe it’s because he’s come to terms with the future. With his line of duty. Or maybe he’s trying to be stronger, a facade. It doesn’t really matter. The whole situation... it’s a pity fest and a crush of the chest, regardless. 

Yoshinari doesn’t say a word more to him. He looks forward, as alert as possible, but bits seem out of it. 

It isn’t until he gets into the building, and checks in, that he sees the news. 

He hears it. How could he miss it? Was the particular intensity of the nightmare a sign? 

“Blown...” 

_ Blown up_. 

What was the Adonis Headquarters, gone. The report says ‘likely.’ Sasazuka knows though. He knows. That picture, that place was it. It’s over. There’s no way any of the high ranking members survived that, if they were still around at all. 

He feels it in his stomach. There’s no speaking. Nothing more to say. He casts his gaze to the floor and walks to the elevator. When a passerby greets him, he shoots them a glare. It’s one coupled with down, with shade over all else. 

So much he could have done. Faster. Better. Not enough. 

One sentence. That’s all he says, when he’s alone. One he’s said before. One he’s repeated before. He’s the last one left, of their rag-tag disastrous group, after all. There’s no doubt. No exchange. No closure. A chance missed. Was that her plan all along? Did she reject him, in order to put an end to this that way? What of those who wanted her alive? 

“Hoshino Ichika... isn’t alive anymore.” 


End file.
